old man.

I was sitting in the reception area, reading National Geographic, trying to get lost in the pictures and feigning calm comfort. The door opened once, I kept my head down and someone exited. I wondered if she was going to the car with the rainbow-colored sticker. With a bit of a raucous the door opened again and I turned this time, I sat right next to the door, wondering if I had to get out of my shell and help this person. An elderly man, very much hunched over, greeted my fleeting smile and immediately said, "keep smiling." I turned back around; he moved slow, but it seemed he didn't need my assistance. He placed a hand on my shoulder, of course I looked in his eyes then, and repeated, "you have a nice smile. Keep smiling." I did my best and said thanks. Then he added, "get better." I wish I could already. He asked who I was seeing, if she was good, again said, "get better;" added, "you're cute," and shuffled to the door ahead. I kept up the (this-is-really-weird, a-bit-awkward, but-perhaps-quite-needed) thanks. As he struggled with opening and moving the door aside, he turned and once more offered, "you're really cute."

He is really sweet. Or something. Seeing as how that interaction went down in a psychotherapy office, I don't know with how much weight I should be considering his words, but my eyes watered from the sincerity in his voice.

rambles

Today the woman I share an office with is out sick. I don't think she's too sick, which is good for her, she deserves a relaxing day off. I've been listening to my "weird" tunes all day long, without feeling bad for intruding my music on others' ears, even though, really, the music I (and I think I can collectively say we here) listen to really is better than the music they listen to. But most people out there think this music is weird -- after all, it's not on 101.1 or B95. It's been an enjoyable at-my-computer atmosphere today. So today I've listened to Mercury Rev, courtesy of Steve, Sera Cahoone (trying to study up for this weekend), Rocky Votolato, Blitzen Trapper and Page France. And Counting Crows for my drive in. Not bad so far.

And for those who know 'em, and also for those who don't, Fruit Bats and Sera Cahoone at the Cellar Door this Saturday! Brother's seeing them in Portland next weekend. woo hoo us.

I've been enjoying raisins lately. Organic, please. I'm eating some right now. And has anyone else noticed how organic carrots are so much better than traditional? Go and do a taste test. Speaking of food, four people at work, the people I am with the most throughout the day, are all doing Weight Watchers. Oh how I hate watching weight. Anyway, I don't want to feel left out, so I got somewhat excited and asked them about how many points I get to eat in a day and whatnot. (I'm a pound overweight by the way, according to Ms. Watcher. Great.) They proceeded to call me "fatty." I think it's a reflection on how they're feeling bad, and I've told myself this and that they don't mean it, but it makes me get a bit consciencious! My boss, who is very good to me, said today she was thinking about it over the weekend and decided she didn't like it and next time she'd say something. She's a good lady. And speaking of her, she went to the inauguration! And her cousin went with her and her cousin and her cousin's friend DITCHED OUT on the ceremony! Can you believe it?! They were cold. They even started crying, basically having a stomp-your-foot moment, not able to sit in the area their tickets were for. Unimaginable. Go Mathis (my boss) for hanging and not letting the ruin your Obama moment!

And a shoe update: I ordered 3 pairs last week, and 2 are on my porch waiting for me! I had six pairs in my shopping cart and decided to put only $200-something on my credit card at a time. Only one is black, but there's more to try, thank you endless. I'm ready to wear black, sure is hard to not wear black. Then there's a pair of cute brown Palladium shoes and some Palladium boots that I've had my eye on for a while and were 50% off, so I had to try them. I sure hope one works out! Except, my credit card...

shoes shoes shoes

I haven't worn my black work pants since new year's because I have no comfortable shoes to wear with them. I currently have seven (7) tabs open on my browser, looking for some black shoes. And I've closed multiple tabs already throughout my days-long searching. Stores in real life either don't have my size or have shit for selection. Some BLACK shoes. If I have found any, in all these websites I've looked at, none of them have them in my size. It shouldn't be this hard! (that's me whining.) I need some new black (and comfortable, yeah sorry there is that stipulation) shoes I can wear to work for my large, wide, falling-arches feet. But listen, I'll put in some insoles so the arch support doesn't have to be built in. Trying to make your life easier, world, 'cause my life sure hasn't been feeling easy lately and I can empathize. Shoes, world, shoes. That's what I ask of you right now.

Dear F%*k Head,

This isn't what I'd like to be posting after my ode to Cody, but this individual deserves more hateful thoughts from Fresno than just my own. I won't say much because I can't come up with anything more than this person is scared, wants attention in a fucked up way, needs serious psychiatric help, and is also very stupid ("doctors will initially mistake symptoms..."-- yeah I think maybe they'll be able to take a better guess since you sent out all these LETTERS). Fuck head. I have no kind words. This shit makes me mad.

Get your anger going on by reading this.

Mark's going to at least one of these bars tonight. Keep your peepers out for this slimy miscreant, brother, and if you see him, slip him some of his own juice.

PS-- The Stranger is one of the best free weekly reads a city has to offer, so I encourage all to read it whenever you can and for Fresno to follow in its footsteps.

Cody

Our dog of 15 years passed away yesterday at the vet's with my dad, her best friend, holding her. I was just about to turn 13 when my sister and I picked her up that summer in my mom's minivan and brought her and her cute puppy-ness home (everyone else was away for the weekend)-- she smelled so good and sat on my lap for the drive, even though we had a crate for her in the back. Her name became Cody, and from my memory, we had a hard time coming up with the name that fit her, but one day we put together Biz+Mark, which led to Bismark, North Dakota, which led to Dakota which led to Cody. Or Dakota Lin when we were pretending to be mad at her--Jen added her middle name (whose middle name is also Lin). Dad said she was cheerful as always, and "still beautiful on her last day with her blond coat and apricot ears, well-brushed with the Christmas gift from Mark." She was over 100 in human-equivalent years, and had had problems with her deteriorating hips for the past couple of years which made walking extremely difficult; I don't know how she held on for so long. Most of you knew her. She was great. I said goodbye to her last summer, just in case. That doesn't seem to help.

I took this picture on my phone on May 11, 2008. Gracious, I miss her.

Hellboy I's quote of the day

"What makes a man, a man?" A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins, the way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes: not how he starts things; but how he decides to end them.

awwww yea


(I watched Hellboy tonight)

i am not a makeup guru.

I wear eyeliner and mascara. And in ode to Rebek, I curl my eyelashes. That's the extent of my beauty (haha, beauty) regime. Well, and lotion. Also, I am cheap whenever possible, unless I'm treating myself to life's small pleasures (which now involves the London Fog Tazo tea latte at Starbucks, soy please, no syrup-- actually, it's delicious and I want everyone to experience it so go treat yourself with your Starbucks card you got for Christmas). And speaking of cheap, I bought cheap eyeliner on my last Target makeup run. I got two crayon-pencils for less than the price of one twisty. And then was sorely disappointed when I tried it and had to rub so hard to get any on there. Aargh. My cheap tactics failed! So I complained at work, and Ana, student assistant, told me her trick, which I now share with you all: a lighter! Sharpen pencil as desired, put a lighter under it for a few seconds and move the pencil back and forth. It gets soft, and after you cool it for a few more seconds (if you don't a chunk of eyeliner blobs off) it works like a $10 liner. Or however expensive expensive eyeliners are. I wouldn't know because I shop for makeup at Target.

sweater stones are cool

look at this great big ball of mass that I got off my sweater. natural garment care and enjoyable to do, too.

camera. phone. 2.

Remember when gas prices sucked hairy balls? Ode to May 2008.

Happy 2009!