19 September 2009

I live at my mamaw and papaw's old house.

The dupe, which I affectionately refer to it as, is the duplex that my parents bought way back in the day before my sister was born. She spent her first years here, my brother spent his first days here, and then they relocated to good ol' Madera county. After my parents moved out, my dad's parents (Mamaw and Papaw-- from Kentucky), and some of their children, moved in.

Many years (and many smells, if you ever visited while the Brewer's lived here, especially during the holidays) down the line, I live in this cute nook of an old place, still with faded-pink bathroom tile and peeling linoleum in the kitchen. (Newly installed A/C however -- it died this summer, during the hottest couple of weeks in Fresno. That strained our relationship a bit.) Consequently, because my relatives lived here for so long, I still get some of their mail. Every month a PG&E bill comes for Mamaw, all $770 past-due. I just toss it out. I've considered writing "return to sender-- deceased (for like 10 years now)" on it, but haven't. Mamaw and Papaw were ministers, and I also get a lot of religious organizations asking for money, or Christ for the Nations magazines. For a while, and contributing to the strange aromas in the place (sorry to say), my aunt's "friend"/friend (we were never sure) lived here with her and Mamaw and whoever else. Apparently he was a gambler, because I also get weird sports-gambling mini mags with hot ladies on the cover. They creep me out a bit.

Recently, I got this little joy, which came in a light-blue box. I had ordered books for school from the internets and thought maybe it was one that came uber-quickly, then saw Mamaw's name on it and tossed it aside until this morning when I went through the pile of crap mail. I looked inside and...

Adult underwear. Disposable. Free sample. And coupon. Best piece of mail yet.

14 September 2009

confessions/stating the obvious

I smoke a pipe. And sometimes when I'm driving I get embarrassed about it and hide it at intersections so as to not face discrimination, or get a little anxious when I offer friends-who-don't-know a ride and it's sitting out in my car.

I pop all over-- joints, groin (I think?), pretty much you-name-it.

I give people at intersections/standing in the median dollars sometimes. Sometimes I avoid the intersection just so I don't feel guilty about not.

I'm a bit of a trichotillomaniac. But not on my head, and not to the serial-killer extent (I learned this term in a scary serial-killer-focused crim class I took). Mainly arm hairs.

I eat too much.

I especially eat too much and trichotillomania too much when I'm stressed. So I'm assuming, come master's project time, I will gain 15+ pounds and be arm-hair-less. Oh, and absolutely hate myself.

I procrastinate.

I like a clean house (and please, a clean kitchen), but my bedroom is most likely untidy and I have papers overflowing and my house is usually not tidy.

I miss my brother like shit-cry-crazy. And it'd be dream-like if my sister, bro-in-law, and niece and nephew lived here. Euphoria.

I get jealous. I get angry. I get defensive.

I don't understand people and their bias against the gays marrying. And am passionate about defending them.

I find myself uncomfortable around gay couples and I don't like it.

I'd rather not have a roommate. Though sometimes it's nice late at night knowing someone else is in the place with me (isolated in her bedroom, please).

I actually like school. But not the stress it brings or the self-motivated learning that's necessary. ugh. pfft. pshaw.

I like drinking alone. And with people.

I'm a bit nervous about posting this. Do I? Don't I? Why would I? Yet at this point I think I'm going to.

I go to therapy, weekly. And it's been a few years. And I recommend it.

I'm on anti-depressants.

I value independence but interdependence can be a damn nice thing.

I believe in a God. or god. I think, God. Well, god? Does the capitalization really measure significance.

Oooo I like the music I listen to. I wish I could take initiative and learn to play the guitar that's sitting right over there. (And these photos will be so much better when I get that iPhone later this month!)

I like hosting parties, but I like less going to parties.

I claim responsibility for too much.

I like being in control and knowing what's going to happen next. And/yet I also value spontaneity.

I was all about 'NSync when I was, like, 20.

I don't watch as much tv as I imagine myself to. And I don't remember things from movies/tv shows like other people can.

I like how I feel post-workouts. But once again, I'm a procrastinator. And I'm lazy. Remember high school? Yeah I don't ever want to go back there. But I wasn't lazy then. (But speaking of HS, I think everyone should go to their awkward high-school reunion. At least the first one. Because it's awkward, and you know it, and everyone knows it, and there's alcohol, and all of us are just as accomplished (and not) as we are. You can't fake it.)

I really like flavor-filled, uncommon (asterisk vegetarian and wheat-free) foods. But at home I mostly eat bland, salt-and-pepper things, like chips and beans, fruit and veg and cheese.

I don't know how I should end this. With some powerful, significant "something" I suppose. I'm not doing this for responses. [And I hope you don't associate me with someone else you know who writes personal diaries on the web. And I hope a different you-know-who doesn't take that statement as negative and back-stabbing to other said individual. 'Cause I don't mean it that way.] And it's more for me than you (begin Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" background music).

As a matter of fact:

(So hilarious. Brother, I'm imagining interpretive dancing with you and dag-gone loving it.)

12 September 2009

a few verbal pet peeves

1. "The fact of the matter is..." Listen. There is no fact in this opinion of yours. So stop saying it. (This one I owe to a past teacher I worked with who always said it in regards to some complaint and who also always wore those ugly velor track suits, which were too small and too short for her even though she was short, (oh and she also wore them with crocs) so I get flashbacks to that in addition to just being cranky at the phrase, which just adds to the irritation.)

2. "Make sure you..." This one is totally unnecessary. Just say the command, or whatever it is you're asking, and be done with it. Don't pretend nice.

3. "It's neither here nor there." Really? It's got to be somewhere. And you're saying it so I guess that means it is either here or there to you.

So there.

13 August 2009

My drink of choice

HBO's True Blood is my new obsession. Like most shows I get into, it's after-the-fact, but at least this time the show is still on air. Just not my DTV air. Mark told me about it a while back and a few weeks ago I started renting season one from Netflix. Thank you, Netflix. And after that it was episode watching marathons from one disc to the other and waiting waiting waiting until the roommate watched, the disc was sent back, and the next 2 or 3 episodes appeared. I definitely considered (multiple times) upping my Netflix account to at least 2-at-a-time, but held out.

Sookie (Anna Paquin) annoys, but what am I gonna do. I might have a sliiiight crush on Sam (Sam Trammell). And did you know Stephen Moyer (Bill) was on "The Starter Wife?" I didn't either but I never watched that show. He definitely has all the right vampire side looks:

So, now, just to wait an ENTIRE YEAR to get to season two! Yay poor no-HBO-me lifestyle.

Oh, and I've been drinking red wine lately. Not sure if there's a correlation to seeing red beverages on the TV (accent on the T), but Josh says he's buying me this for my birthday and hug-my-neck he better.

02 August 2009

Here, Mark and Rebek, a post.

Got this as part of an email my father forwarded to me from Bottom Line Health. Isn't it great that father sent me an email about breasts? A lot of really useful information in here. Look for words such as "sagging," "bouncing," "support," and a favorite of mine, "vertical motion." And don't forget, ladies, "Breasts come in different shapes and sizes."


Dangers of Ill-Fitting Bras

Ladies, how does your bra fit? Chances are, not quite right. A British study that tested bra designs found that many women are unaware that they’re wearing an ill-fitting bra. No big deal, you think? What’s so bad if your breasts droop a little? The truth is that when bras fit poorly, the bouncing that occurs can irreparably stretch the breast’s connective tissues, causing sagging and pain, no matter what size your breasts are. "Breasts have little natural support," explains Joanna Scurr, PhD, author of the study and principal lecturer in the department of sport and exercise science at the University of Portsmouth, United Kingdom. Proper support is critical.


Dr. Scurr, a breast biomechanics expert, and her team are the first to conduct research in the 3D movement of breasts and how effective bras are at reducing it. They tested 50 or so bra designs on 200 women with a wide range of breast sizes. The women, who had sensors on their bodies, walked, jogged and ran on a treadmill while wearing different bra types. The researchers found that breasts bounce up to eight inches during exercise and that they move not only up and down, but also side to side and in and out. Slow jogging caused as much movement as did a full-out sprint. The problem is that most bras are designed to minimize only vertical motion, says Dr. Scurr, who is working with manufacturers to design a bra that can lessen movement in all three directions. Appropriate breast support is important even in the activities of daily life, she said.


Dr. Scurr advises shoppers to try on many different kinds of bras. Don’t limit yourself to what you’ve always bought before or even what you think is most comfortable. The right bra may be different from the one you’re accustomed to. Specifically, she says:

  • Get measured by a trained professional and use that measurement as a starting point, but try on lots of different sized bras, constructed in different ways, since sizing varies among manufacturers.
  • Take a look and give a try to lots of different styles, too. Breasts come in different shapes and sizes, so not all styles will fit you well.
  • Make sure your chest band fits firmly, so you cannot easily fit your finger between the bra and your breastbone. The band provides the majority of support and a common mistake is having it fit too loose.
  • The underwire and shoulder straps shouldn’t dig into your flesh. The underwire should sit flat against your chest wall.
  • If you go down a band size (i.e., from a 36 to a 34) be aware that you then must go up a cup size.
  • The bra cup should not be baggy, nor should it press uncomfortably into breast tissue.
  • Always buy a bra that fits comfortably on the loosest setting -- when you wash it, the material will stretch and you can then pull it in.
  • For the most support, buy an encapsulation bra, which has separate molded cups and limits motion in all directions. Avoid the compression bra (i.e., sports bras), which flattens the breasts, limiting only up and down movement.


Joanna Scurr, PhD, author of the study and principal lecturer in the department of sport and exercise science at the University of Portsmouth, United Kingdom.


Thanks, dad. Guess I better get me some encapsulation bras.

11 June 2009

ask the experts

Found this site when I was looking for some interwebs advice on how to tie up my new clothesline to the poles in the back yard. Well, upon further investigation (and am yet to hang up the line) there are experts for just so many of our needs! One of my favorites:

Preparing for Online Dating -- powered by ExpertVillage.com
Summary: "Watch as an expert bachelor discusses how to approach online dating in this free online video about attracting women."

Expert bachelor!! and he's the author of How to Become a Professional Bachelor!

So after watching, I decided I wasn't that impressed or convinced to give online dating a go, but he does have other videos in the series which I may need to watch before cementing my decision. However, I did decide he could really truly be a professional bachelor for, post-viewing, I imagined a dinner out with him-- nice restaurant where you sit at the table with really good posture, dim lights, fancy wine, polished silverware, the occasional hand-touching-across-the-table (just on cue), no lull in the focused-on-you conversation-- and that would be all I'd be able to handle of him and no more. Bachelor status: maintained.

09 June 2009

yep food processored again

Tonight, recipe idea credited to Matt, it was sesame soba noodles with cucumber, bok choy and mixed greens (and we added tofu and baby corn). Food processored the dressing. You're soooo jealous.

[I know the pictures are crappy but that will all be fixed when I get my new iPhone on June 19. Or after the lines die down. (woo hoo i think i'm treating myself to an iPhone!)]